On labels and self beliefs
Lately I have been thinking quite a lot of the labels we, or others, put on ourselves.
The whole reflections started from something silly like a “tests” that would tell you what kind of product leader you are. I know, I know what you are thinking…it feels like reading the astro guide in the magazines. And in a way, it totally is! But it was done by one of these product gurus, so I got curious and tested.
The result did not surprise me, I was labeled like an operator, a product leader that focuses on defining direction, navigating chaos and creating impact. More on the “let’s get this done”, than on the extremely visionary and “one idea per minute” entrepreneurial scale. I could recognize myself in it, and I even caught myself smiling to myself when I read “this product leader type is a PM magnet, and people want to follow her/him”. Isn‘t that flattering?
And of course, I was somehow pleased, but that was not the point.
The point is how I caught myself nodding on a label created on some question by a person that doesn’t even know me. And is (possibly) trying to simplifying a really complex situation with the main goal of capturing email addresses for his newsletter.
Yes, I am the one who always tries to define expectations.
Yes, I am the one who will anchor things back to a vision.
Yes, I am the one who puts people together to converge.
Yes, people want to follow me.
No, I am not the hyper visionary.
…or am I?
The interesting part of the reflection is exactly this: as soon as someone (or ourselves) put a label on us, we get into a set of expectations that are really hard to shake.
From the ones who know us (and not from a silly test) those expectations come from the relationships we have created, from the role that we tend to play, from what they have learned from the past, from how they have observed us act. Those labels are useful as a way of shortcutting relationship, they give us a guideline on what we can expect.
But as much as they are useful, they are also limiting.
And they contribute, probably even without us being aware of it, to our and others limiting beliefs on us.
The labels we put on ourselves become the story that we tell ourselves, and they become who we are. And they become how others think we are.
This is one of the reasons why it is so hard to change someone else’s or our own view of ourselves.
But sometimes we have to. Especially when we want to change the way our relationships work. Or the way we work, and is not useful to us anymore.
So from that test that told me who “I am”, I took with me some questions about the labels and the stories I carry around.
I tried to unpack them by using these 3 prompts:
What is the story that I am telling myself too many times?
Which stories would others tell of me?
What is the part of myself I need to break up with?
Especially the last one was hard. I had to think quite a lot about it, but I finally came to a story and a belief that is deeply rooted within me, and I need to face head first, even if it is difficult.
Next time a test, a person, or yourself put a label on you, you maybe can use that as a reflection point: is that a role I still want to play, or am I in need of a completely new page?
Your story is only yours to write.
